Relating, Creating, Transforming

Posts tagged ‘brene brown’

Love that Gets its Hands Dirty

Luke 13:31-35

rumiSelections from Jalal al-Din Rumi:

This being human is a guest house.
Every mornin
g a new arrival.

A joy, A depression, A meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.
First to let go of life.
Finally, to take a step without feet.

We continue to focus on being and self-discovery these 40 days of Lent, focusing on Jesus of Nazareth’s own journey to self-realization—his path to Jerusalem and the end of his life. Each week, please consider this question:

How do you know when you are truly yourself?

The Gospel of Luke is keen on the theme of the journey. In fact, journeying occurs 88 times in Luke and in Acts, the NT book that the same author of Luke wrote. In this particular part of Luke’s story, the Pharisees [a sect of Judaism] try to convince Jesus to journey elsewhere; Jesus then tells them to journey back to Herod; and then finally, it becomes necessary for Jesus to journey to Jerusalem.

Jesus and Herod Antipas.

Jesus calls Herod a fox. Thus, Herod was clever, but small. This is the same Herod, remember, who killed John the Baptist; but he was not even close to as powerful as the leaders in Jerusalem.So in spite of the danger, Jesus does not alter his journey or timetable nor give in to Herod’s supposed threats.

During this journey, Jesus expresses his sadness for the situation in Jerusalem. It resembles the laments of the Hebrew prophets. In this short rant, Jesus expresses his frustration and sadness over the Jerusalem people’s stubbornness and close-mindedness.

And yet, Jesus at the same time expresses his great love and compassion for them.

He wished to gather the people of Jerusalem just like a hen would gather her chicks under her wing. There is a play on words here. Thelo, a Greek word, appears three times. It means will, desire, want, or wish. First, Herod wishes to kill Jesus; then Jesus wished to gather the children of Jerusalem under his wing; finally the children did not desire it. These three wishes are in conflict with one another. And there’s no genie involved.

Genie

Returning again to the theme of journey, notice again that Jesus did not deviate from his course or the timing of it, even if there were obstacles or people trying to convince him to go another way. This is important.

How many times do we change directions, even when we know we are on the right path, because of external circumstances or because people convince us to? Often, we are tossed and turned by the latest trends, what our peers do, or what we see on TV or in other media. Essentially, we just start copying each other. A friend gets married, has kids, and buys a house? Well, we better do the same, even that is not our path. Someone gets a certain job, buys a big car, dresses a certain way? Well, we ought to follow suit. Why is that?

I think it’s because we start to believe that we don’t actually have our own journey, or that we are not worthy to have one. This is an unhealthy mistake and can rob us of opportunities, moments of grace, wholeness, and healing.

We all have our own path.

Internally, we need to journey on it. Even when things get tough or when others try to misdirect us, we need to stay the course.

Furthermore, I notice in this story the great vulnerability that Jesus showed to people, out of compassion. I’ve mentioned before the researcher Brené Brown and her work on shame and vulnerability. She gave a recent Ted Talk that I think speaks to the heart of the matter and relates to what Jesus expressed on the way to Jerusalem. Watch the whole talk here, or if you wish, watch from 17:30 to the end, for the purposes of this discussion.

 

Ms. Brown, after six years and thousands of interviews and case studies with a variety of people, has come to the conclusion that the people who are the most whole, the happiest, the most themselves—are the ones who practice vulnerability.

Look at Jesus of Nazareth’s treatment of other people. He wasn’t afraid to hang out with those who were considered dirty, unclean, outsiders. He didn’t take the easy road when others told him to, because he walked a path that led him to people in need of acceptance and healing. In spite of what some think, Jesus of Nazareth was not a meek, nice guy who glowed with some holy halo when we walked the earth. He was a troublemaker; he was an instigator and an annoying presence; he told the truth when it hurt; he chose to be with people who were difficult and who lacked power and authority; he did not hesitate to touch or to say a kind word to those who were pushed the margins of society. He put himself out there; he was authentic and vulnerable.

And his journey to Jerusalem was vulnerable—the whole way. Eventually, when he got there, he was as vulnerable as one could be. He didn’t do it to be a martyr or a ruler or to leave a legacy. He did it out of compassion for others. And he was only able to do that because he was true to himself.

So as your journey continues, remember that you’re imperfect but worthy of love and belonging.

And it is our job to say that and to show that to others and to ourselves. Vulnerability. It’s the other way, the journey, the path. To let yourself be seen as you are. To love with all your whole hearts without any guarantee. To practice gratitude and joy, even in difficult moments. To believe that you are enough.

May you continue to get to know yourself, to keep on journeying on your unique path, and may you be real, authentic, and vulnerable along the way.

Walking with Joy

Zephaniah 3:17-20a             Inclusive Bible
For YHWH your God is in your midst, a warrior to keep you safe;  who will rejoice over you and be glad with it;  who will show you love once more,  and exult with songs of joy  and soothe those who are grieving.  At the appointed time I will take away your cries of woe and you will no longer endure reproach.  When that time comes, I will deal with all who oppress you.  I will rescue the lost and gather the dispersed. I will win for  my people praise and renown throughout the whole world.  When that time comes, I will gather you and bring you home.

What is joy?

Well now, that’s a loaded question!

What do you think?

What is joy?

Maybe you answered with: happiness.
Elation? A warm, fuzzy feeling? A notion that everything is going great? Or what?

It’s not all that easy to define joy, and probably that’s part of our issue with it. I don’t want to speak for you, but sometimes what joy is presented as to me doesn’t quite seem possible. After all, I don’t always feel happy. And happiness itself can be defined in so many different ways.

So let’s do this—let’s say what joy isn’t. Joy isn’t a feeling. Joy isn’t a bodily reaction to some external stimuli. Feelings are: the tickle you feel when a feather brushes your skin. We feel heat when the sun is strong in the sky. We feel relief when we sneeze. But joy is not a feeling, joy is an emotion. Emotions are active responses and they have objects. For example, your partner gets the new job she was hoping for, and you have joy over that event.

I’ll go a step further. Joy is an emotion, but perhaps it should be partnered with gratitude.

Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past thirteen years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. Brown is the author of three #1 New York Times Bestsellers: Rising Strong, Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection.

She is also the Founder and CEO of The Daring Way and COURAGEworks – an online learning community that offers eCourses, workshops, and interviews for individuals and organizations ready for braver living, loving, and leading. Brown’s 2010 TEDx Houston talk, The Power of Vulnerability, is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world, with over 25 million viewers.

She once appeared on Oprah’s show, and talked about joy. She called joy the most terrifying emotion. Why terrifying? Because fear stems from having our joy taken away. How many of us, she asks, “have ever sat up and thought, ‘Wow, work’s going good, good relationship with my partner, parents seem to be doing okay. Holy crap. Something bad’s going to happen’? You know what that is? [It’s] when we lose our tolerance for vulnerability. Joy becomes foreboding: ‘I’m scared it’s going to be taken away. The other shoe’s going to drop…’ What we do in moments of joyfulness is, we try to beat vulnerability to the punch.”

To illustrate this point, Dr. Brown shares with Oprah a story about a man she interviewed who admitted to her that he never allowed himself to be too joyful about anything in life. Then his wife of 40 years was killed in a car accident. Dr. Brown remembers him saying, “The second I realized [my wife] was gone, the first thing I thought was, ‘I should have leaned harder into those moments of joy. Because that did not protect me from what I feel right now.’”[1]

Truly joyful people, says Dr. Brown, do not allow fear to take away from fully experiencing joy. They practice gratitude. And it is tangible.

What if the root of joy is gratefulness?

What if joy is born out of gratefulness?

If so, even bad luck can give joy to those who manage to be grateful for it.

Gratitude makes us joyful.

And so, the prophet Zechariah says:
Yahweh rejoices over us.
Yahweh, G-d, shows love to us.
G-d soothes those who grieve and takes away woe.
G-d deals with those who are oppressed—rescuing and gathering them.
G-d brings us home. Home to joy.

Home to gratefulness.

Even tears and sadness can be pathways to gratefulness, and then to joy.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/18/dr-brene-brown-joy-gratitude-oprah_n_2885983.html

 

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